Friday, December 21, 2007

I want a porch

I feel like the last several years, I have not really been thinking about what I want in life. I have been ignoring it, and listening to what others want or tell me I should want. It is kind of a depressing statement to make, that which I just said, but I think that it is really easy to do, especially with the perfect lives depicted for us, everywhere, in magazines, and tv, and movies. Over the past few months, I have been thinking a lot about this. I guess I have a friend who has forced me to think a lot about what I want in life. Unfortunately, I have never been able to answer him straightly, because I haven’t really known, I have just kind of guessed at the answers, only to be kind of upset with my self afterwards, because the answers that I gave were not right. I was not lying, I just did not know. I don’t know if he has heard any of what I have written below before, except for the part about having a porch. So, to my friend, and to everyone who reads my blog:

I thought I would tell you what I want in life.

I want a porch or a balcony, or a courtyard, some kind of outdoor space. I want a big kitchen. I want a library. I want kids and animals: dogs, cats, chickens, donkeys. I want to be married one day. I want a studio, I want to work. I want to have enough time in my life to bake, and cook. I want to be cozy. I want to have room enough to entertain my friends. I want to have Sundays to do nothing specific, and enjoy the people I love. I want to help people. I don’t want to make buildings that are ridiculous. I want a vegetable garden. I want a big dining table, and I want to have family dinners as often as possible where any of my friends can attend. I want to go on my morning runs. I want a big bed with nice sheets. I want a good sounding stereo. I want to be healthy. I want to have old mixing bowls, and nice pots, and pans, and knives. I want to be surrounded by art.

I want to cook for my friends, and make furniture, and art, and houses.

I want a partner in crime!

I want someone to go on adventures with. To sit around and be quiet with. I want someone to be busy with. I want someone to share joys and pains, excitement and frustration. I want someone to love. I want someone to bake for and to cook with. I want someone to smile at in the morning. I want someone to call. I want some one to hug. And someone to hold my hand. I want some one to learn with. I want someone to dream with. I want someone to kiss. I want someone to travel with. I want someone to touch my skin. I want someone to undress me. I want someone to kiss every inch of me. I want someone to rub my head while we lay on the couch together. I want someone to make a family with. I want someone to trust with all of my heart. I want someone I can tell anything to. I want someone to make me laugh, and who I can make smile.

I guess I picture this life some where rural, but I don’t think it has to be. This is based off of what I know now. I am certain most of my wants will stay the same, and that some will change, and I will add new ones to this as life goes on.

I have always dreamed of buying up a down town. Since I can remember. I have always dreamed of these big giant schemes. Not a big place but a small town’s down town, slowly, and using it to sell things, and bring life back into the cities, and spread the love of art, music, food, and community. I have wanted to encourage a certain love of education. I want to have an art gallery, and a restaurant, and a print shop, and a wood shop, a place for rock and roll shows and an architecture office but only to do little projects and competitions. I want to employ teenagers, and people who wouldn’t normally have jobs in these types of places. I want to make a place for elderly, who are usually home bound to be able to get out of the house, and socialize, and have purpose. I want to have an after school program that encourages a healthy life. I want to make a beautiful place. I want to help people, locally. I want to see community flourish where it has disintegrated.

And maybe one day it will happen. that is just one of my dreams.

What do you want?


Rebecca said...

I believe that the disintegration of the sense of community in our society is directly related to new houses not having front porches. (No clothes lines and everyone having air conditioners contributed too.) That's why I have a big porch. See....

You know, reading your list, it hit me that it was almost identical to my list. I just wrote it out recently after talking to a friend (OK a guy I was sorta dating). Mine is a little more clearly defined in some areas (then again, I'm 40 so it should be) but what you wrote was almost word for word from part of mine. Spooky.

kz. said...

Jessie, I'm getting to this totally late but this is a beautiful entry. it kind of makes me love life. <3.